“If we listened to our intellect, we’d never have a love affair. We’d never have a friendship. We’d never go into business, because we’d be cynical. Well, that’s nonsense. You’ve got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down.” – Ray Bradbury.
Sometimes life has its own plans for us and sometimes those plans give us a little nudge, edging us outside of our comfort zones and encouraging us to take a leap of faith.
Last time we spoke, I was in the midst of moving house and (rather inconveniently) struggling through an autoimmune flare up, which was somewhat disappointing after I’d been feeling so much better over the summer.
But these days (nearly 2 years since the beginning of The Pollyanna Plan), I handle flare-ups very differently, because these days I know what it feels like to have come through it and see what life looks and feels like on the other side – it’s pretty amazing, in case you were wondering! 🙂 I know now with certainty that I will recover soon enough if I just chill out, focus on the positives, be kind to myself and allow my body to do its thing and heal. And that’s exactly what happened this time round. I regained my strength and got back to feeling well again just in time to help out with the last minute packing, sorting and moving. Yay!
So, after months of preparation and hard work, just like that the house was sold. And whilst we’ve been waiting for the purchase of the new house to go through, my mum and I (plus our 2 dogs) have been living in a lovely apartment nearby, which belongs to my dad. (The only downside to this is that there is no internet connection, which is why I’ve been AWOL for so long!)
I had been so focused on getting ready for the move that I hadn’t really given much thought to what came next. But with the first phase now out of the way, I’ve suddenly found myself feeling very excited about the prospect of new beginnings.
I LOVE a new beginning. Really, it’s one of my favourite feelings! And you don’t have to do anything drastic like move house to experience one. I had my very own new beginning when I started The Pollyanna Plan back in January 2012 and I didn’t even move from the sofa for that one. 😉
For me, new beginnings are filled with infinite possibilities, blank canvases, chapters still unwritten and thoughts that anything could happen. And over the past few days, I’ve been letting myself enjoy and soak in this feeling. I’ve been exploring the area we’ve moved to – I used to live here as a child but so much has changed since then – and I’ve been busying myself with errands, driving around, meeting new people, smiling a lot and feeling a wonderful kind of anticipation that something magical is just around the corner. And, well, it seems that all this positive, happy energy I’ve been flowing has started to create miracles in my life.
You see, as my health has steadily improved over the last couple of years, I have been thinking more and more about living on my own again. I have loved living with my mum all these years – she really is the best – and she has supported me and taken care of me when I needed her the most. I’m so very grateful to her for everything she has done for me, but with every day that I feel stronger and healthier I’ve begun to dream of independence and having a place to call my own. I had no idea how this would happen and, in all honesty, the idea of it both thrilled me and terrified me at the same time.
I mean, I have been ill for such a long time that I’ve forgotten what it feels like to live alone and, although my health is radically better, I still get times when I struggle and don’t feel so great and then there’s the whole financial deal – I don’t earn a proper income yet. So, although the idea of living alone is really REALLY exciting, it also didn’t feel like something I could realistically do for a while.
However, every time I thought about all the reasons why now wasn’t the right time to be living on my own and how I wasn’t quite ready for it all yet, Ray Bradbury’s inspiring words kept popping into my head – “You’ve got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down.” And I realised that some of the best experiences I’ve had in my life have been when I’ve jumped off those metaphorical cliffs.
During those times, there have been moments of panic when I didn’t have a clue how it would all work out – the free-falling, heading rapidly towards the ground kind of panic. But, when I’ve allowed myself to trust that the Universe always has my back, that I can just relax and go with the flow and that maybe I don’t need to have the “hows” all figured out, then my wings have miraculously appeared.
And the moment I came to this realisation, the deep knowing that I could do this after all, a seemingly random set of events were set into motion. And now, instead of moving into the new house with my mum, I am going to rent the fab apartment we have been staying in from my dad. Ahhhhh! I am so excited, happy and anxious all rolled into one! 🙂
But you know what else I’ve realised? Sometimes life hands us things that scare us a little – or a lot, that we feel we aren’t quite ready for, that we don’t know if we can handle, that push us well and truly outside of our (all too comfortable) comfort zones. And sometimes we’ve just got to jump into the unknown anyway, in spite of our fears, even though we don’t have all the answers. Because more often than not we do build our wings – big, beautiful wings that allow us to soar – and jumping off those cliffs turns out to be the very best thing we could possibly have done.
© N. Lamy – The Pollyanna Plan – 2014- All Rights Reserved.